JimmyHill.co.uk - Columns

Guess who’s back, back again.
In the words of Mike Williamson, HELLO!!
Finally it would appear to be that time of year again, when a new Bigman column is up. And here dear readers, it is:

Its been quite a while hasn’t it? Ahh well am sure you haven’t missed me too much, and if you have then I am very sorry, and I hope that you have not killed yourself, during the exceptionally long break, if you have I apologise, but lets face it if you were willing to kill yourself over this column, then its probably best you are now out of the gene pool.

So for all readers that are still alive; lets get busy with the fizzy, and crack on.

First up, lets discuss what has been going on in the land of Bigman, over the break. Well all in all its been quite an exciting few months. I have now attained my degree, a 2:1 in psychology, and so I am now officially Bigman Bsc. I have decided to utilise this degree in the best possible way, and so now have gone full time at Tesco, working all hours under the sun (and the moon), in order to be able to buy myself a new pair of pants once in a while. So with my life currently going exactly to plan, I couldn’t be happier. Anyway I feel that that is enough Bigman news for now, as I do not wish to provide you stalkers with any more clues to my whereabouts, its up to you to find me.

In terms of site promotion, I don’t think the last 12 months could have gone better. The first promotion action came in the summer with feverish campaigning at this year’s v festival. Once again stickers were the main ammo used by the foot soldiers, as well as copious amounts of Budweiser bought with strange vouchers. If there was a festival goer who did not have a sticker on them, then I didn’t see them. It was quite an impressive sight, one that will go down in jimmy folklore. Unfortunately due to a sever underestimate of the combined size of three of our chief promoters (Namely me, webmaster and Roadkill), the nights sleep was not a good one, which ensured the weekend ended on a rather low note. After a failed attempt of three of us sleeping in a 1 man tent, I was forced to see out the rest of the night in a reclined sun lounger in a garden shed, where I made full use of its many amenities (a bottle), and was rudely awoken at an ungodly hour, by a gaggle of young children staring in the shed window, presumably thinking I was the latest addition to the tweenies.

More exciting was the recent trip up to Newcastle and Durham. Unbelievably some ra-ra radio presenters going by the names of Leo and Dave (Leo-an owl, Dave- a scunthorpeonion), found the site, and for some strange reason seemed to think that it was worthy of some airtime on Durham’s world famous Purple FM 107fm. So after a mere hint of a telephone interview, we took this as an invitation and off we went up to Durham. After Leo and Dave got over the initial shock of seeing us on their doorstep, they were more than accommodating, taking us for a beer and showing us the wonderful sights of Durham, which included among other things, a river, over 67 bridges, and a coral bookies. I have to say that it is as you can tell from my vivid description a wonderful humour filled place.

Unfortunately the same cant be said regarding Newcastle. A dank miserable city, where the locals are worse. What unfriendly people. It would have been dangerous to campaign to heartily in this northeast hellhole, as I fear that the stickers could well have been shoved somewhere I certainly wouldn’t usually put a sticker. But still with Newcastle so close to Scotland, it is no real wonder that the salt of the earth Geordies have inherited some of the Scots more favourable charms.

Not all was lost in Newcastle, where after visits to the boobies bar, and then on to the badger bar, numerous star sightings were clocked up. First there was Mark Wright of Liverpool and Oxford fame, followed by a chance encounter with all 3 members of Busted. There was also a run in, and then run away from the honey monster.

The trip in general though was a particularly successful one, Leo and Dave seemed eager to promote the site in any way they could, and the interview seemed like a success, minus a few libellous comments, all was well. There was also the revelation that Dave had once made a clay model of jimmy’s chin, some thing which is currently in the trophy shop, as a base model for the new jimmy awards, which will be readily handed out at this years most prestigious awards ceremony, The Jimmy’s. to be held in Bramhalls in mid January. (Damn it I have just given another clue to you bastard stalkers).

Anyway I am off to prepare now for tomorrows Manchester Derby, and my 12 hour shift at Tesco (only another few months and those new pants will be mine!), but I will leave you with some words of wisdom to get you through the next few weeks till my next update (They should get more regular again, now I have nothing to do)………
1. Always think of jimmyhill.co.uk, make it your first port of call everyday.
2. Tell all your Friends about jimmyhill.co.uk, we need more hits
3. See The film Elf- Its Brilliant
4. Remember that by visiting the site you are now deeply ingrained in the site and its success depends on you. Feel part of the team.
5. Make t-shirts.
6. Make stickers.
7. Promote everywhere.
8. Don’t be worried or ashamed to help us. What goes around comes around. I guarantee that by helping us, your life will improve.
9. Stop Bloody Stalking me!!!

Well after a particularly long time Jimmyhill.co.uk is up and running again!! And, thank the heavens, after an even longer period out, there is the wonder of a new Bigman column to immerse yourselves in as well!!!

After a considerably lengthy summer break from this column, I have been forced to return to work, by that slave driver of a Webmaster. Apparently all the commotion around the new columnist Craig's 'Musty Investigates' reports, and the constant updates have forced the Webmaster to assess the working levels and ethics of his more established columnists. And so I have taken it upon myself to prove to all of you out there that in terms of web site columnists I still am the best there is, the best there was, and the best there ever will be!

As many of you will have noticed from the main front page, last weekend a jimmyhill.co.uk promotional trip to London took place. I must say that I found it a privilege to be involved with such a campaign, and although I know many of you Bigman fans will be disappointed not to see your favourite in many of the photographs, you can all take heart safe in the knowledge that I was there keeping a watchful eye on all the goings on, from behind the camera lens!!

Throughout the weekend spent down in London we managed to carry out all jimmyhill.co.uk objectives. We successfully managed to attach stickers to: Buckingham Palace, Harrods, Houses of Parliament and any other landmark you care to think of!! We also managed to attach stickers to many of the music lovers found around the Finsbury park area on Sunday (Yes that's right, at one of the oasis gigs that have already been labelled better than Knebworth!!). In a remarkable set of unfortunate circumstances we also found jimmyhill.co.uk being advertised and on full display at London's massive gay Mardi gras!! Which was a turn up for the books to say the least! (Oh how that image of a sixty year olds naked tattooed breasts still haunts me, brrrrr sends a shiver down the spine).

I consider that the weekend trip was a vast success, and may I take this opportunity to thank all those that helped in this campaign including The Victoria Thistle Hotel, Phil, Matt Villas, The other unknown twosome who accompanied us on Sunday, proudly displaying there jimmyhill.co.uk badges, The Villars family for a lunch which provoked feverish campaigning, and especially Granny Villars, for her words of advice before heading in to the Finsbury Park Area, and for the fact she has been on Bansai!!! I thank you all for making it such a success.

Apart from jimmymania, which has clearly taken hold of the country, the other big thing that seems to be filling up our morning papers is the new

Big Brother, BB3. It is now that I introduce the next of the4 Bigman missions, and this is simply KEEP PJ IN THE HOUSE!! It is up to you now; we have only two days to act!! We have to vote as many times as possible between us, for Kate! PJ is by far the best choice to win the whole goddam thing let alone survive the eviction!! PJ is funny and is the only genuine person left in the house, who will not slag off others behind their backs, but instead will confront them direct, it will make a change for a normal bloke to win, rather than the Camp Irish and dwarfed Scouse Drivel that we have been served in the past!! So I leave you with this mission, and I will speak Soon

Web Design Manchester

Well its that time again, time for a brand new update of big mans views. I know that it hasn't been that long since the last update, but I am finding that with the new columnist C4rge we are all getting pushed to update more regularly, although I am thankful that C4rge has in no way raised the standard that needs to be churned out by us, as his column as big a lump of shod as the rest!!!

The first thing that I believe that has to be discussed is that Big mans views has finally passed the 100 visitor mark, a milestone!!!! I believe that this is due to the fact that the word of www.jimmyhill.co.uk is spreading and with the site as a whole now having well over 2500 hits, and C4rge scoring a quickfire 25 hits, I believe slaps on the back all round, are in order!!!

Still not a lot of feedback from you clowns that actually spend your time reading this column, although I am happy to announce that I got my first e-mail from a reader of this page since the last update, the only downside to this was that the offending e-mail came from a RODENT!!!!!!!

This column is bveing written the day after the English national football team managed to beat a team of german pensioners, not surprising since someone had stolen the source of the german goalkeepers powers............... his patented MULLET.

So here starts the next of the jimmyhill.co.uk missions, this one being one of the hardest of them all. The task is simple, all that needs to be done by one of you fools is to find Oliver Kahns Mullet, and somehow reattach it to his head!!!! There are numerous suggestions of what could have happened to this fantastic hair display, some suggest it has been stolen, others believe that on a big nite out with its other hairstyle friends such as beehive and skin, it was caught up in the blaze which tore through the cheadle hulme wetherspoons recently, and unfortunately didnt survive. (This is quite a surreal suggestion, but a suggestion none the less)!!

Anyway I believe that this is the end of this weeks ramblings, I hope to get another update in before the end of summer, if not one will be up as soon as I have time.

Well, its been a long time coming, but i have finally managed to put forward another column. At the time of writing my column alone has received the grand total of 68 hits- Very impressive i think you will all agree!!!! Still no e-mail's from any of you clowns so im guessing that im not as yet a cult figure, although with 68 hits, i surely cant be far off!!! But seriously, someone E-MAIL ME!. Not too much going on at present in the world of the big man, still on an outrageously long summer holiday from uni- with quite a bit of time still left aswell, unfortunately though absolutely nothing worth mentioning has happened, but still never mind!.

On an even lower note, since my last column lance has left neighbours!!! he had supposedly signed an exclusive deal with jimmyhill.co.uk to produce weekly in depth diaries detailing his alien catching expeditions, but as yet nothing. Personally I am shocked.

Jimmy still seems to be avoiding any kind of interaction with the public, choosing to keep his undoubted superior knowledge regarding the forthcoming football season to himself, an unusual decision but one that has to be respected.

Well its that time again - Time for my new colomn regarding everythying that is currently goin on throughout this world!!As regular readers know (yep thats me, andy and ste), i try to update as often as possible, but due to one thing or another these updates only actually arrive when we are on holiday from uni- so this is my easter holidays edition.Ive got exams starting on the 30th of April so this colomn will not possibly be as long as it has been previuously, as i have got other things on my mind at the mo.

I notice that the site has had yet another change in appearance, and i have to say that the new front page does look better, although i do miss the old jimmy graphic!!

One thing i would like to say regarding the lance issue-still no update- However i took it upon myself to e-mail the real lance on behalf of all you lance fans!! The e-mail was a simpole request for the real lance to come and visit this site and give it a kind of seal of approval, and sign the guestbook!! Unfortunately no response- so if a number of you fans out there would like to help in this campaign, then just go to the official neighbours site and e-mail him!!!!!!!!! The more ther merrier! I believe though that we may have to change our angle of attack- and possibly go for the juggular that is Toadie!! So e-mail him aswellIm still trying to track down an official jimmy e-mail adress, unsuccessful as yet, but if any of you out there do know of one- dont be afraid to either e-mail him and let him know about the wonder that is jimmyhill.co.uk, or at least pass the address on to us here at the site.

Anyway im off again to do revision- Before my next colomn I would like each one of you to send a quick e-mail informing one person about this site- SPREAD THE WORD- especiallty about my colomn!!

Here I am sat at home on a rare saturday off work!! I have just forced myself to sit through an entire edition of football focus-Watching that fool Lawrenson and special guest Alan Curbishley??!!!??, try to muster up some footballing sense between them, UNBELIEVABLE!!!. Neither of these two are remotely in the same league as Sir Jimmy. I know that Jimmy was not on every week-But just the anticipation that he might be on, to give his pearls of wisdom used to be enough to book a day off work!! Nowadays my days off just seem to be wasted!!

Hope everyone reading this is impressed with the new look site-I am proud to say that this time I was part of the production-hence why the site is now looking remarkably good!!!.

I dont know if anyone out there agrees with me- but I feel that the lance area of the site needs to much larger and more important than how it is at the minute- e-mail the webmaster and let him know what you think, I'm sure he will be glad to hear from you- even if he does pretend that he is not. I also believe that Big Mans Views should be a bigger part of the site- with maybe even its own button on the main page(Hint,Hint-Andy)- what do you think- Definateley e-mail the webmaster about this one!!! (I will promise to update my page a lot more frequentl;y if I do get my own button!!)- Anyway time to go now- as I am off to a Feeder concert tonight- So got to get going- Ill let you know how it all went in next weeks BIg Mans Views

I am ashamed to admit that i visited Jimmyhill.Com today and can quite honestly say that it does not, in any way shape or form reach the stunning quality of this great site.

Jimmy has always been a hero of mine and now there is a site worthy of his name, as this page expands I hope that it will keep the adoring public up to date with the Jimmy news and facts, eg Jimmy is a member of the all England tennis club (at Wimbledon) and plays a doubles match every Monday morning.

I also hope that this page will continue to get the exclusive Jimmy comments from world famous people. Anyway, gotta go, so catch more of my comments in next weeks 'Big Mans Views' by Dan.

Daniel McBirkett lives in the grave shadow of a witches castle owned by a witch. He lives in constant fear of being shrunk to the size of an actual Nissan Micra. He was born into a family who rejected him so was raised by a family of Chimpanzies in the world famous Chester zoo and to this day his love of bannanas is second to none (well maybe Bannana Man anyway).

After His stay in the jungle like atmosphere of the zoo Daniel was set loose into the real world to fend for himself. That is until he found sanctitude in the arms of columnist David where they engage in harmless fun regularly attending the church of St. Jimmy of Chin on Saturdays at 3 O' Clock until a quarter to 5 (unless there is extra time).

Plans for the future include the nameing of a McDonalds sandwich after him and the completion of a degree in Psycology.